About Myself

Did Nothing Much Today But Have Been Thinking What Kind Of Person I Really Am. I'm Not What Everyone Thinks I Am. Maybe I'm Just Acting Like What People Wants Me To Be Or What People Will Think Good Of. I Will Do What I Can To Get Something That I Want Sometimes I Don't Really Think What I Am Doing. After Doing Some Bad Things I Will Regret Then Soon I Will Think Back & Find That I'm Really Stupid Doing All Those Stuff That Makes People Dislike Me. I Cannot Really Understand Why I Can't Think Before I Do Stuff. This Is Not The Only Thing That Is Negative About Me. I Just Feel That Why I'm Different From Other People In So Many Ways That Is Negative. Confuse Most Of The Time. Changing Is Hard But Trying To Change Is A Start. Even Though I'm Fucked Up I Still Have Some People That Is Willing To Try To Help Me. I Even Lost Someone That I Think That Is A Dear Friend To Me. Maybe Sometimes I Must Really Think About What I Do Before I Do. Even Now I Think That It Will Be Better For The Friend To Be Far Away From Me So That His Mood Don't Get Affected By Me. I Just Want To Thank Everyone That Helped Me Including Dearest Friend. If Only I Can Be The Same As Everyone.

Thoughts

Went Out With My ITE Friends Today & Have Some Chat. Then I Have Some Thoughts About My Behavior & Everything About That Has Happen. I Feel That I'm Too Dependent On People So I Like To Ask People Question About What I Should Do & I Care Too Much About How People Look At Me, Maybe Even What They Talk About Me. From Now On What I Would Say Is That I Will Be Whatever/Whoever I Want To Be Don't Care About What Other People Comment About Me. Even If I'm Really Whatever People Say I Am Like Gay Or Anything I Would Be Proud Of What/Who I Am. Trying To Be Independent But No Idea What The Outcome Will Be. I Will Try My Very Best & Don't Be As Childish As I Always Am. Who I Am Or What I Am. No One Knows Even Myself So I Will Be Whatever/Whoever I Want To Be. XP *PEACE*

Yeah~!

Yes! Finally Pass My SOC. Thanks To My PC(Wiped The Swing Trainer), PS(Ran With Me) & Arnold For Pushing Me Forward When I Needed It The Most. Next Is Time For My Gold!

Things That Is Affecting Me That Happen A Long Time Ago Is Still Making Me Miserable. But I Am Trying To Get A Hold Of Myself. All I Can Say That He Will Always Be My Bestest Friend. Maybe Not Approaching Him Is The Best Thing That Can Happen To Him & Make Him Happy. Everyone Would Want Their Friends To Be Happy So I Think It's Something That I Can Do To Repay To Him What He Had Done For Me.

Note: Everything Have 2 Or More Ways To It. So Look At The Positive Side Of Things.

What The Fuck?

I Have A Friend That Recently Ignored Me For Very Long & At Last I Know What The Reason Was. HE THINKS I'M GAY & I DON'T MEAN THE HAPPY KIND!!! Because Of My Action & What I Did He Actually Thought I Am A Fucking GAY I Think Maybe I Should Really Die Somewhere Because Someone Who I Trusted Actually Thinks I'm GAY! I Have No Idea How I Must Explain Or How I Will Explain This Kind Of Matter. This Is Really Stupid & Yet Complicated Thing That I'm Really Facing Now. Even Though I Have No Idea The Things I Did Will Make Him Think Like This But It's Too Late Too My Closest Friend Now I'm A FUCKING GAY! Maybe I Should Just Leave Things As It Is, Cause The More I Do The More He Thinks That I'm Like Trying To Patch Up With A GirlFriend Or Something. WTF

Note: I'm DEAD Somewhere When You See This.

Dead Hope

I Just Lost Something So Dear To Me Today. My Closest Friend I Had Since I Was Born. But Was He Really What I Think He Is. I Have Been Trying To Solve Some Problem He Had With Me But All I Get Back Was Cold Replies. It Seems That He Doesn't Even Care About Our Friendship. I Suddenly Don't Think That What We Have Is What I Can Call Friendship. Sometimes I Think The Problem Is Something That Lies On Me. I Really Don't Know What To Do To At All Now. My Mind Is In A Mess. Can't Piece Anything Together, From Work To Personnel Problems. He Doesn't Understand Me & Maybe I Don't Understand Him That Well Too. It's Either The Way I Speak/Message To Him Was Wrong Or He Don't Even Care To Listen To What I Have To Say. So I Always Get A Cold Reply. All He Get Is More & More Irritated At Me. Maybe I Was Just Too Stupid To Keep Thinking To Get Back My Friend That I Became Selfishly Wanting To Solve The Problem Not Caring What He Was Thinking. To Him Maybe I Am Something That Can Be There Or Not There Because I'm Not Much Of A Person Or Even A Pile Of Dung? I Really Hope I Can Get This Friendship Back But I Don't Think That Will Happen To Me. I Think I Might Just Die Somewhere Where No One Can See Me(Won't Really Die). Having This Friend Is Really Important To Me But Since Everything Have Come To An End. Seems Like I Lost Everything I Have. But Let's See If He Will Change His Mind(Even Though I Doubt It).

Note: Sometimes Everything Is A Mirage That Let You Feel Happy But Will Slam You Down To The Ground When You See It Disappear & Know That It's Fake.

"Dead"

Everything Is Start To Go Missing In My Life. People, Items, Knowledge, Etc. Everything I Have Is Starting To Disappear From Me. I Have Nothing Now, Not Even A Single Life. Maybe I Should Just Die Somewhere, Where No One Will Find Me. Dying Is Part Of Life Anyway Maybe I Should Just Push Forward The Time Of Death Earlier. Just Thinking Not Really Going To Die Anyway. Maybe Something Might Happen To My Life & Make It Full Again. Seeking For The Truth Wish The Thing/Person Will Go Away From My Life & Destroy It.

Note: Trouble Finds You Even If You Don't Find Trouble.

Last Day

Break For So Long Now I Guess Is Time To Go Back Camp Tomorrow Booking In. What Will We Do First I Wonder. Tough Training Again, So Bored. Don't Know How Long Will My Body Last. Fighting Spirit Is Running Out Too. They Expect Too Much From Us, We Always Deliver But It Gets Harder & Tougher Everytime. Even Now My Whole Body Is Like Jelly. Break For Too Long & Kept Thinking Of Things About Things That Happen Lately. I Might Get Mental Illness Trying To Solve Things By My Own. But Too Bad Somethings Are Better Known Alone Then Known By Everyone. Some Secrets I Have About Myself That Is Totally Out Of The Extraordinary. Wish I Can Tell Someone About It. But If I Talk About It, I Think That Will Be The End Of All My Friendship. Can't Tell Even If It Will Make Me Better. Don't Know Why I Start To Stop Trusting Everyone Single Person In My Life. I'm Even Started To Lose Trust To Myself.

Note: Nothing Is Impossible To Understand. It's Just How Hard You Try To Understand It.

Taiwan Trip

At Last, I'm Back In Singapore. Anyone Miss Me? Don't Think So Anyway. The R&R Was Interesting & I Bought Alot Of Stuff For Myself & My Family. Currently A Broke Guy. Feel Sad Because Of Some Matters Wrote It In Taiwan So That I Can Update My Blog.

My Definition Of Friends Is Unknown.
I Thought I Have Some Friends But I Think It's Just My Hallucination When I Was In Taiwan I Didn't Really Care About My R&R, Because I Thought Going To Taiwan Can Be Done Anytime. Don't Have To Suffer So Much Before Getting It(Due To My Injury). But After Thinking For Abit. I Realise That It's Different This R&R Will Be A Trip That I Will Be Going With What I Call "Friends". So I Decided To Try My Best To Take Part In All The Activities. After Finally Finishing Everything We Proceed To Our First Face Of What We Called R&R. We Went To Kenting & That Is When I Realise What I Call "Friends" Are Like. I Understand That We Went On A Different Transport, But The Timing Of Us Reaching Is Like Few Minutes Different? The Just Went Of Without Me & Still Said That We Will Be Going Together? Maybe They Didn't Want Me To Follow So I Have Nothing To Say. But At Least I Have To Thank These Few People For Entertaining Me By Pretending To Be There For Me & Be My "Friends". I Know That's Something Hard Since I'm An Irritating Person. But Nevermind That The Taiwan Trip Was Fun Going Alone Anyway, So I Have No Regrets Suffering For Something That Is Not There. I Guess I'm Just Too Naive.

Note: Not Everything That You See Is What They Are, They Might Be Something Worst Then What You Expect. *PEACE*

Bored

Boring Day. Learning Tarot Card Reading. Wanted To Go To Some Shop To Learn Stuff But Too Lazy Maybe Next Week Going. Sometimes I Think Something Is Missing In Life But I'm Just Too Lazy To Find Out About It. Sad Things Keep Happening But I Know Nothing Can Come To A Conclusion. When That Special Someone Is There You Feel Like Everything In The World Is Gone. But When You Know That, That Special Someone Is Someone You Cannot Get You Will Start To Feel Confuse. If Only That Special Someone Is Someone That You Can Get You Won't Feel Confuse But Now That Special Someone Is Not Really Someone That You Can Get A Grip On So Everything Seems Gone. This Is Not That Something I Need To Know But I Just Can't Get It Off My Mind. Only If My Brain Is Like A CPU Maybe I Can Delete You From My Mind & Forget Everything About You. Nothing Is Impossible But You Are. Trying To Do Things That Get My Mind Of Things So That I Can Go Through Life Better. I Don't Know Whether You Are A Curse Or A Gift But Don't Wish To Think Anymore About You. Even Though I Can't I Will Still Try.

Note: Finding A Solution To Everything Is Important But Solving A Problem Is Much More Important.

Terrible

People Moved Again!! Everyone Is Moving Here & There Can't Get A Stable Appointment. Friends Are All Leaving My Side, It's A Normal Thing That Will Happen In Life But I Just Can't Accept It. Why Do People Have To Leave & Soon Bonds Will Be Broken Some People Have Strong Bonds But I Don't Have Even A Slightest Bond With Anyone. I Have No One Around Me, No One To Care About & No One That Cares. I Have No Life In This World It's Nothing More Then A Dream. All I Have Is Myself To Depend On & To Care About.

Note: People Leaving You Is A Common Thing So Just Bear With It, It Will Be Over Soon.